I'm not ready to be age appropriate and other discoveries

I've made a couple a discoveries in the past week or so. Regular readers might remember about my small spare room I didn't go in because I'd put a lot of my mum's stuff in it after she died, well it's taken me a long time but it's cleared out now. Still got a few bags of stuff I couldn't either bring myself to sort throw or decide on what to do with, so for now they have gone in a spare wardrobe. A few weeks ago my cousin came over and helped me put my plan into action of moving my crafting stuff out of my bedroom along with the computer etc and I got myself a dedicated craft room. I've wanted a craft room for ages and it also meant I could clear space in my cramped bedroom. I kept seeing other peoples rooms on line and thinking one day. Well that day came, it's looking good, still got a few things to sort but it's getting there, only one problem....... I don't feel creative in there. For I think the first time in my life I've got what most would consider an age appropriate bedroom, it looks pretty, there are no scatters books or papers, no computer looking out of place, room to move about, but it feels empty. Not just empty but as though the soul of the room has been removed.

I've been feeling the above since I change the rooms around but my brain refused to sort out what the problem, after all I had got what I wanted. Then I read Magaly's of Pagan Culture's post on how her bedroom was her sanctuary. It was like a light bulb suddenly got switched on. Nice though it is, my craft table now looks out over the street. I miss looking out over my garden from my bedroom, seeing the birds and flowers, the trees dancing in the breeze, watching the changing weather among the green of plants rather than a grey street. At night I miss seeing my books about me and if fibro keeps me awake I don't want to have to move into another room, I want to stay wrapped in my own little sanctuary with everything close to hand. So I guess I'm just not ready to be age appropriate yet, maybe I never will be. This was one discovery, thanks Magaly.

Last night I tried to explain the above to my cousin. Now me and my cousin make an rather odd pair. She and her mum are as straight as they come, they make a set square look wonky. Everything is logical, common sense and age appropriate. I grew up with a mum who loved midnight feasts, skipping in the rain, and dancing around the house or anywhere else. My mum was the original Peter Pan who never grew up. Telling my cousin that the room change just wasn't working brought the reaction I expected, a rolling of eyes and a sigh which signaled that she thought there was no hope for me and ...... a promised that she'd be up in two weeks to help me change it all back again :) Friends and family who may think your mad but will still support you what ever ,are always a good thing to discover.

My next discovery came courtesy of a fellow crafter Lou on UKS forum. She's started a new sketch book group which I've joined in. This is something new for me and Lou suggested making mind maps to help plan my book. I've not done mind maps since college but now I find they are helping me focus on things and one discovery I've made with them is that I'm more a word person than an image one. I guess I'm not that surprised, calligraphy was my main hobby for many years until it became to painful to write, now I can only hand write a few lines before my hands virtually useless. I'm lucky though that most days I can still type and one of the best thing I ever learned at school was how to touch type. I think that is why I love blogs, it still gave me an outlet to write. Yet I have stopped writing so much because I can't hand write. Sending computer letters just doesn't seem right and I don't keep note books now like I did before. Not sure at the moment how I'm going to correct this, but I know I want to write more but no idea what. I have written a couple of prayers on my faith blog and really enjoyed doing that, being creative with words. As my hand gave way I guess I give up on writing and turned to image crafts like scrap booking yet now I see I need to redress the balance. Doing the mind maps have made me realise I like creating with words as much if not more than images. Going to have to give this more thought, but it's a discovery in progress.